How to unlove. . .

          Here we go again. . .

Many will probably be more enthusiastic to learn how to unlove stuffs, things, and people. I guess this will also be of great help to those who have been pained. But wouldn’t that be unfair to LOVE?

To love and to be loved is tantamount to success, as everybody says and believes. It’s a wonderful and magical feeling that has the power to transform you into someone you are not. It makes you do crazy things you never imagined to do. It gives you the courage to conquer your deep rotting fear within. Well, these ideas are believed by most people. Perhaps, love has been an amazing ride to them. Congratulations, if so.

But that is a different story.

Love, love, oh love. Everybody doesn’t have same experiences in love because some had a tragic one. . .and to this side, I belong. You may say I am exaggerating things. I am over acting. Maybe. . .yes. I also think the same thing as you do. But I can’t help it. My mind and my heart say I had a tragic one. I was left out. I was forgotten. I was taken for granted. I was unfriend. I was trashed. I was left hanging. I was left holding my own hand.

I gave love but I got pain. There were sleepless nights. I was shedding tears. I hurt myself. I loaded punches and slaps. I hit the wall. I banged my head.  I can’t do anything effective to comfort myself. I tried saying I’m alright, that I’m perfectly good, that everything happens for a reason. I hugged myself like a baby because no one can do it for me. But no, these didn’t give me comfort. These only strengthened the truth that I am weak, solitary, and lone. I tried barking the emotions whenever I can’t contain them. I opened up my vulnerability to people to somehow feel the lightness of my burdens. God knows I’ve tried. I’ve tried to contain and compose my entirety. I sought pieces of advice but I only got bedazzled.

I miss them. But what can I do?

They can’t give what they don’t have or it would be more appropriate to say that they cannot give anymore what they used to give. Or worst, perhaps, I am not that amiable so people find it just a piece of a cake to leave and forget me. People change. I can’t control them. I just can’t.

So, I assessed myself. And then out of the blue, what I ‘need to do’ popped out of my murky mind. I need to LEARN TO UNLOVE. I need to learn how to suppress these feelings. I need to learn not to care but to neglect, not to miss but to forget, and not to hold on but let go. I want to give up. I had a thought of that. There’s really no easy way.

I became indignant towards myself and I would be hypocrite if I won’t confess that I also felt it to those people who left me hanging. I have guarded myself with prudence but maybe it wasn’t enough at all because if so, I wouldn’t be stagnant in this heartrending picture of life.

But, do we really have to learn how to unlove to escape from pain’s claws and its fangs? Do I really have to?

At first, yes, I need to. But if that would be the case, I would be tagging and associating a bad impression to love. Love, no matter what your experiences are, is still a feeling to behold. We might feel aches and remorse. We might get stuck in a situation where we don’t want. We might feel solitude’s presence. We might feel like surrendering. But I (just like Hunter Hayes’ Invisible sings) tell you, there’s more to life.

When I felt the excruciating pain, I was on the brink of peril. I was on the verge of giving up. I’m used to being left out but I’m not that yet accustomed to pain. I hated the world. I hated people. I questioned God. I even asked for death to come into my existence. I hated love. I did. But…

Yes, I have the prerogative but I don’t have the right to hate love just because of what I’ve been through. When I was hurt, it was not love. It‘s pain. When I was mad to someone, it was not love. It’s anger. When I hated everyone, it was not love. It’s hatred. It’s not love who caused fear and anger. And when we say we want to learn how to unlove, do we think God would be pleased?

Certainly, that’s a no-no! I was wrong when I said I want to learn how to unlove. Just the thought of it is a huge mistake already. When I said I wanted to learn how to unlove, I realized I was saying I want to learn hatred. I believe what I should unlearn are the things that cement negativity in our lives. On the contrary, what we have to have is an in depth frame of mind and learn understanding. We never really have to be intelligent; we just need to be understanding of the realities and nature of life.